What Do I Want Really?

I have never been this excited. It feels that I just had an epiphany. The kind of life episodes that you never get to experience all the time. Sort of an AHA moment.

The question now is what do I really want my life to be? What are my goals? And how would I be able to achieve them?

I belive there is a need to categorize them: short term and long term. The ones that can be achieved easily and can be dealt with right away, and those that needs time to achieve. Those that needs some patience, a whole lot of patience actually, before one would be able to realize that such dream is already in their midst. That they are already living that reality.

Since I am just on the first page of such a lofty endeavor, I think i have to identify now what those dreams are and categorize them.

Short Term

1. To give my best in the call center industry. This is my second try and should not be that difficult already. Infact, I should never waste this opportunity again because its knock may not be as loud, or that they maybe no more knowck at all in the future.
2. Take care of my self, in body, mind, and soul. The Holistic aproach so to speak.
3. Be able to turn-on my airconditioning unit again. After my first pay.
4. Be able to pay for power bill.




Long Term

1. Roof Painting
2. Set aside for new wardrobe next year.
3. Provide for family gatherings.
4. Pay mom!
4. Travel to Europe.

This is gonna be my list for now. I will just add to it as I go along....

Something Has To Change

Life is indeed very mysterious. One moment you would just be contented with what you have, and the next, you would be yearning for something that you don't even know what. At least that is the case with me. For the longest time, i have just been wallowing in the sea of uncertainty. I was not aware actually where my life would lead me, and for the most part, i had just been satisfied with that. I took things in a way that could be likened to a person who is happy-go-lucky, without giving much regard to the consequences that action would cost me in the future. I would just go on and do something without thinking how it would affect me in the future. Such care-free soul I have, and not in a good way.

What has got me to think about this is the fact that I would be turning a year older next month and yet, I haven't accomplished anything yet. People of my age should already have built a career and a nice nest set aside that would be able to sustain him should he wish to take a breather or two in his life.

Well, I certainly did that, the part where the taking of breather is concerned. I did just that. Given that I was no longer happy with my job in the bank, I should have taken into consideration that I don't have savings that I could use for my sabbatical. Instead, I just went on with my plan to rest for a while but the reality is, I was actually running away from my responsibility my job has poised on me. The reality is, I was just afraid and too lazy to handle such responsibility. Blame it to laziness really. Pure laziness.

I did not even think that I would be unfair to my parents becuase they have to take care of me again now that I am back to square one. Just is the case right now. I am so back to zero. I still even have to pay back my mom the amount I squandered in Dubai. I am that stupid and lazy, and now I realize that something has to change if I want to turn my life around.

On how I would do that, I still don't know yet. I still have a long way to go, and I would ceratainly need all the help I could get to be able to turn my life to the better.

What I am actually thinking right now is to start with a plan. I need to plan my life so as to have a better sense of how I look at it and what the future would look like. I realize now, that it is what is lacking in my life. I don't plan at all. I just go through life, day in and day out, without putting a set of goals that should have been my guide as I traverse this journey.

This is it....

Time to hatch a plan...

This is the beginning.

Of a new ME....

What's On My Mind

Right now, I am worried that I have wasted so much of my time. First off, I just realized that when I resigned from my job way back in 2009, was a mistake. When I thought that I should take a breather, to rest for a bit, and think of something else to do, I realized now that I should have not done that. I shouldn't have stopped from working. I am a workaholic and I have been working for 11 years or so, non stop. Back then, I was told by my colleagues that the idea of resigning is not a good move. That it will just lead jumping from one employer to another. And that is what is actually happening with me right now. Everytime I feel that something is difficult, I would just stop and say that I don't want it anymore. I would just run off, scared and just give up. I don't know what has become of me. I don't know anymore if something inside of me has changed that it would now be easy for me to give up and run away from responsibilities. I know that this is not right. I know that I just have to find it within myself the traits that i need to harness to keep back on track. I guess, it is also about time that i should go back to God. To have a better relationship with the one obove.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

I have been worryin. again. I thouhgt i have been through this stage in my life where one should worry about things. I guess, in my side, or on my life, it will never end. I know that having to worry about anything in this life is counter productive, but I just can't get it out of my system. It's as though I am born to do this, to be worrisome about just anything in my life.

What am i worrying about this time? Well, here I am again, starting over with the idea that I will do good in a call center environmnet. I was already there last year, in fact, i was about to go to my first day of being on the floor to finally take calls. But what did i do? I fled from the scene. Right there and then I told myself that I can't make it. I was afraid to talk to the person on the other end of the phone. Afraid that I may not be able to help him. The thing is, deep inside of me, there is still a need to equip myself with even the basic knowledge even taking a call for that matter, let olone being able to help the callers with their in their computer units.

I don't want to blame the company either for not having to train me that much. I think they did their part, and the amount of time that they have given us to learn stuff is right about enough to equip us with the basic knowledge, but i don't really know what happened with me, I just seemed to have problem learning new things that they stuff in our brains.

I know deep inside that I am capable of handling calls. But everytime i hear the phone ring, I get excited and freeze at the very moment of knowing that the call is for me. I guess, I just have so many things that play in my mind. What if I will not be able to address their needs. What if I will not be able to get what they really want. What if they would not be satisfied with the way I handle them. What if the company that I am working with finds out that I did bad with the way i handled my client. What if they will not be satifisfied with my talent. That is really something that has me worried. I have worried about it when I was still in the industry and while I was still taking my training. And now that I am back again the very same industry that has got me worried, it has got me worried again, that I would become a worry-freak some more.