Lost Soul

I have always been a lost soul. Looking back, stretched as far as my childhood memories, I've always felt the emptiness that seem to have been a constant companion. I would wander about and ponder what purpose I would have to fulfill. I never had that sense of direction that would have been my guide. A compass that would tell me where to go. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that a very young age, I already knew that I was different. I never really gave much thought about it back then. I guess I was too young to care. And I really don't know what it meant. To be different. I have been mocked for being what I am. Tried as I might, but my inclination would give away the fact that I am gay. So you could only imagine that at a very young age, I was already ashamed of myself. I made up a facade, tried very hard to tell people otherwise, but I struggled, for the most part. I have always been in a sea of grief but I somehow managed to stay afloat. I never had anybody that I could tell my problems to. It's difficult to open up to somebody when you are not being honest to yourself. I must have built too many walls, in an attempt to conform what society believed to be the norm, thus I find it difficult to confide. But I kept telling myself: "Should I remain hide?"