Chaos

I'm having hard time sleeping. I would like to think that the reason behind this is because I sleep way until mid-day. But no, I would just like to think of it that way. I'm actually worried about my finances. I am broke and I don't have work as of the moment. That is what is keeping me awake during the night. I used to have a stable job. But I have always thought of getting out of it back when I was still there, thinking that I could easily get a job somewhere else. I was pretty sure that I would be accepted in a call center industry owing it to the fact that I can pretty much speak and understand english. Well, to be very honest, the reason why I left the banking industry was because I thought it was too serious a job and the responsibility was so huge and I was overcome by fear that I will not be able to handle it. It's the fear actually. The fear of the unknown. I have this nasty habit of conjuring up problems that in reality, would never happen. Problems that never really existed after all. The thing is, this is already my personality. It is already a part of being who I am. I am actually pretty aware of it, but to this day, I am still struggling everytime I would have such bouts.

And as I said, I went on and left the banking industry. Not really sure what I would do next. What was vivid back then was that I really have to leave, adamantly, because of the unfounded fear of the unknown. What it boils down to really, is that I was afraid of the problems that I may encounter in the course of my job. Well, people get tired every now and then, for some job that has been their life for a decade. I mean, who would not want to run away from it if given the chance. Mine was more of the fact that I am not really such a strong person to handlepressure such as in the bank, but the thing is, I never really tried. Never looked the problem in the eye. That was my problem.

Now that I am out of that job, finally, I am thinking again of going back in because life in the call center industry is not that easy after all. I was having hard time even with the simple task of talking about myself, introducing myself in front of people, how much more if I would be taking in actual calls. Yeah, I did have my first call. Unfortunately, that was my last, because I got petrified. I went blank, as I had been during mock calls. I never really get around the reason behind it because, I ran again.