irritation

i don't know know what is going on with me these days. i easily get irritated by the one person who is supposed to be a very good friend. a friendship that goes a way back college days. i really don't know if i could attribute this feeling to my whole dubai situation. i remember that i already overcome this kind of behavior while i was still working in the bank. i read books about it and somehow i was able to apply whatever that particular book tells me to do in whatever situation i may be in. and then came the time that i had to bid my farewell to that job and start something new from somewhere else. somewhere that was not really planned. could it be that the reason that the reason that i am feeling this way is because i never plan things....oh boy, this is going to be bad if i will always keep feeling this way. this is not very productive of me. this is like making 100 steps backward.....

do i still have to ask for signs...

that is what i have been thinking lately. the question now is do i really have to ask for signs when what i really feel deep insided is to go back home. in case you would want to know where i am as of this writing, i am currently in dubai working in an automobile company selling cars for export. specifically, i am the person in charge for cars purchased for Iraq. for the last 4 months that i have been with this company, i have always thought that of leaving the job and go back home and start again in the banking industry where i have been working for the past 11 years. although i don't have a guarantee that i will be able to go back to the same company that i worked with for the longest time, it is my desire to go back in the same industry where i think i would flourish professionally. or that is how i believe where i should be. now, i think it is too late to ask for signs if i should stay or not. i mean, it has been agreed already by my boss that i can now go, even if the person who i am supposed to replace will come back or not. the misgivings that i am feeling lately is due to the fact that i will be going back home kinda failed in my desire to make it big here in dubai.not only that, i am also thinking of the loss in investment that i will incur should i decide to go back home. The worst thing that i have to consider is, the money that i have squandered is not mine, but that of my mother's which she painstakingly saved over the years. oh boy, what would that make me? i can be easily likened to the prodigal son. ain't that a shame?